The year is almost over. Time to be reflective…of my life, the past year, where I am and where I want to be. I’ve taken a lot of time to assess. I’ve also taken a lot of time to dream. I spent a lot of time watching movies and rereading stories. I’ve spent a lot of time longing for a different life. Things have happened, things have progressed. We’re back in California, I’m working on a web series, I’ve been (inconsistently) working on my blog, had some sex (once). But i still have a deep desire to start my life. This is not good.
Well, let me not say its not good. But the restlessness usually means I will do something that i probably don’t need to do. But i do need to do something to feel like I’m progressing. Jump in the ocean with the sharks, you know?
I only have 260 views on my show. After 4 weeks, that is no bueno. I need to really learn how to market my work.
My grandmother (maternal) is coming. For two weeks. Lord give me strength.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the hookup in Vegas. Not the actual sex, cuz it was not worth thinking about, but the making out in the club that led up to it. Now that I think about it, I never told that story here. I was wearing this white dress…it’s a little tight, but still pretty complementary to my shape…and my boobs look massive in it. The entire night, every man I saw complimented my tits. We went to a strip club (probably shouldn’t read too much into it, but…) every dancer did something to my tits on stage. one even laid his sweaty head down and took a nap.
We went to a different club, a massive club with three floors. one floor played hip-hop, and i thought it was cool. my friends didn’t feel the same, and we ventured upstairs to another floor that was definitely overcrowded. i was ready to go home, but they still wanted to dance, so we went back to the hip hop floor, and i pretended to have fun. So we’re dancing, and it’s crowded and hot, and this guy tries to walk through our group. He sees me and he pushes up. Tells me I have great breasts. I say thank you. We dance for a minute, then he says he has to go, but he’s coming back for me. I say okay. He kisses me. I’m like wtf?
My friends asked what happened, and i told them. he was cute tho, but not at all what i’m used to. he was wearing a suit in the club. i have NEVER seen that before. i thought he was Indian, but when I saw him again the next day, I discovered he was probably Middle Eastern. he was hella cute tho, with a neat beard and very soft lips.
Maybe fifteen minutes later, true to his word, he came back for me. He asked if i wanted to go to the lobby, and I said sure. we found a nice little secluded corner, and we just went at it. it had been so long, and it felt really good. we made out until security told us to take it outside.
what did i do to attract that, though? is it because my boobs were out? my boobs are on display all the time in california, and i still never get any bites. still, it was nice to be wanted. i miss that feeling.
so, i’m longing for a lot in this next year. the bigger question is, though, how do i make my desires manifest? cuz real talk, i don’t wanna go another two years without sex.
A Year In Our Lives 