1. Why the hell does my job insist on staying open during mf-ing snowstorms?
2. Why the hell do my landlords want to act like I don’t have to work and they don’t have to shovel during mf-ing snowstorms?
3. This snow tho. This snow tho. This. Mother. Fucking. Snow. Tho. I want to jump off the nearest bridge at the mere thought of another snowstorm but the snow would break my fall. This shit’s everywhere. Today it took me an hour to get out of my driveway. My fingers were so frost-bitten they literally felt like they were going to burst. Yes, I did cry.
4. I started this year the way I seem to start every single year: broke and struggle-bussing. Ya know, you wake up hungover on January 1 and hope that suddenly your life is what you’ve been wanting it to be.
5. School sucks. I’m still trudging through, but it sucks. When I think about the time, money, and energy i’m putting into this…
6. My job sucks. It’s unbelievable how hard it is to find a job. A few weeks ago I got the brilliant idea that I am going to move to Vegas. I was gonna transfer to my company’s Vegas branch killing two birds with one stone: new job + new life. Of course the only position open is for a senior accountant so I’m stuck here until further notice. I’m so determined now though, especially when I look around at 5 ft of snow on the ground.
7. I’m fat. Mister was really appreciative of the noticeable plumpness of my butt and seemed oblivious (or stayed silent for his own sake) that the rest of me had gotten…fluffier. I’m working on it. How can I lose the unsightly fat but still keep the bumbum?
8. I’m single. And too busy with my own life to be bothered. I told myself I was going to quit Mister for the new year, among other things, and I did have a relapse shortly after but it’s been smooth sailing ever since thanks to my preoccupation with my own messy life. I think about him everyday mostly when I got to bed or wake up or zoning out at work. I miss his physical presence in my life. I miss his voice. I miss his arms. Sometimes I just want a handful of his locs. I miss his laugh that makes me laugh. And now that it’s Black History Month and there’s so many cool things happening at the library, I know he’s the only other nerd on the planet that would be geeked to go with me…and he’s not here anymore.
Yes, there is a black veterans exhibit at the library and I squealed like a little bitch with excitement. Maybe I will find a new Mister. A new Mister without commitment issues.
9. That’s another reason why I want to get my body right. I want to run into Mister somewhere with his tall, skinny, Haitian model girlfriend (cuz that’s just my luck), and I want to look so delicious, so delectable, so fucking tasty he will wonder forevermore why he let this smart, weird, sexy mini chocolate go.
10. There’s a dude at work. Too bad he’s wack. We used to chill all the time in summer: spend lunch breaks together getting iced coffee concoctions and going on long drives just talking and listening to music and chillin. Good times. He raps and I like his flow and we listen to a lot of the same music and he’s openminded and goodlooking. The problem is…he’s young, and too damn nice. And too damn big.
He’s not even fat, just like a football player/bouncer at a club, maybe cuz he is a football player and bouncer at a club. But every time I look at him all I can think is nah. Too big. We get weird looks whenever we go out which I find funny. The biggest problem is…how does he fuck? I’m serious and i’m curious. I want to ask him that. Because to me the writing is on the wall and I can’t cope with what would be my future sex life with him. It would be like riding a mountain. He would crush me into fufu. Can I get me a lean and nimble?
He’s been trying for months. It sucks because I could really chill with him: he’s single and child-free and likes to go out and chill. Same here. He’s got good-looking friends and hookups at shows and I want in! But he really is overstepping and can’t seem to get the hint.
11. Did I mention i’m broke? I’ve been spending a lot of time lately worrying about my money and plotting my financial freedom. I actually made a detailed budget and intend on sticking to it. Your girl is growing up.
12. I have a job interview on Wednesday. Maaad random, I think I applied to this job months ago, I don’t even remember, and I don’t know why I did because I’m completely unqualified for the position. It requires a master’s degree and experience, both of which I have none. I also do not have interview clothes. I went though my whole pathetic wardrobe trying to piece something together that looked professional after spending 5 years wearing jeans/yoga pants, tshirts and chucks every day. I found two pairs of dress pants from high school 12 year ago. They were flared! LOL. Oh my God it was so terrible. I have flared pants, who the fuck still wears flared pants. One pair, in addition to being flared, are at least 2-3 sizes too small. Once upon a time they were huge on me. I can’t even button them up now.
Is it inappropriate to wear leggings to an interview?
I’m not too emotionally invested in this interview, because I honestly am not qualified at all and I know it and accept it. But I will go in there and do my best and hope for the best.
….
All in all life is life. I feel like everything’s up in the air and I’m constantly trying to improve. After this semester I have 2 more semesters until I graduate, God willing. I am still determined to find a new job and a new home that is comfortable. I’m going to start actively attempting to date when my brain and life are less chaotic. I hope to find a new Mister this year, or at least have some fucking fun! I’m still trying to decide if I want to slut it up or settle down. We’ll see. In the meantime, I’ve got this damn biology homework.
A Year In Our Lives 