There are always highs and lows. I’m always trying new things. At times it seems like I’m scatterbrained, but really, I’m just trying to figure out my place in this world. Again. As always.
these last few months have been difficult. me and ex sxm boo-ski went in circles and finally settled on leaving each other alone. thats putting it nicely. in reality, he said he had no passion for me, and i told him he needed to leave me alone. then i told him that he was full of shit and i hated that he didn’t fight for me. nothing changed. he has zero fight in him. oh, and the no passion thing.
not long after, i found myself entangled with a new interest. significantly younger than me, we were in class together at the community college. we vibed easily, enjoyed each other’s company, and had crazy magical sex. there was a lot that could go wrong, and it went wrong, very quickly. within a month’s time, it was over. and i made some pretty dope but extremely emo videos about it. i wasn’t ready for it to end, but the more i think about it, i really didn’t need to be in it.
i wasn’t ready, period.
but i didn’t know that then. i was very clear with my needs. sex and quality time. initially he was fine with giving me both. but that changed, he wanted to pause on the sex. i have my theories as to why. the shift wasn’t immediate, but there was a pull-back that i was sensing, and i overreacted to it. then, i tried to backtrack what i did. but it was too late, the damage was done. he decided that he wanted to stop having sex, and i was so confused. and really angry. he still expected to get his needs met, but mines were getting cut off? where they do that at? so no…that’s a wrap too. sucks though.
i’m taking a much needed mental health break from men. i ain’t ready to be dealing with it.
i’m working on my new business, my new show. I’m applying for jobs like crazy. i need to move. hopefully things will turn right side up soon. in the meantime, I’m focusing on really doing the things that i want. things that grow me into who i want to be.
went to court in june as well over child support. went seeking an increase, instead got it decreased. we go back at the end of the month. hopefully i can get this increase. i really just need one thing to go right for me.
summer’s been rough this year man.
A Year In Our Lives 