Today was the first legitimate Spring-like day of the year. Talk about a mood booster, shiiit I was glowing today. It was especially nice after the crazed funk i’ve been in for the past few days.
I feel like going driving around the city. With a cute boy behind the wheel. Blasting music and zoning out for hours and just driving. Around this time last year that’s what I found myself doing with A. I’d been living in this same city for nearly 27 years and I’d never seen the airport, the haunted gates (that place was scary as hell, ALL HELL), and all these strange and creepy places of local folklore until we started cruising. He was young and immature, but tall and really goodlooking and had a nice car with a system and big backseat. Need I say more.
Somedays I feel like he was a mistake. I especially used to regret him whenever I’d see him with M shooting the shit. I wondered if they told each other about me, swapped stories, and I felt like a real slut. And other times I’d look at him and remember that he was banging (no pun intended) and I don’t have to apologize or feel bad for anyone I’ve had dealings with…though I’d often contemplated how I’d break the news to M if we ever got together.
This week was more of the same: awkwardness, cold shoulders, and holding onto the past. The more run-ins I have with M the more confused he seems. He doesn’t understand why i’m being the way that I’m being. I need for him to understand that my feelings have changed and therefore what once was is now different. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles. I feel free and light, knowledge truly is power. I’m no longer deciphering his actions, looking for meaning in things he says, no longer searching deeper. I’m taking everything at face-value and laughing at how much energy and time I wasted. I want to be his friend again…afterall I did genuinely like him. It’s just hard going backwards, starting over, when you’ve already seen the ending.
Karma is REAL and stunning. We were officially informed today of Annoying Black Man’s employment termination. I had absolutely nothing to do with it, he was the cause of his own demise. I’m thankful that I’m not the reason for someone being jobless, and I’m extra extra extra thankful that I didn’t up and quit because of him like I’d wanted to. Thank goodness. I knew from the moment I saw that dude that something was fucked up and sinister about him, I called that shit months ago.
Anyway, enough about gremlins.
I’m tired. Just got home from a lovely dinner and I want curl up with someone great and snooze. For the next month I’m going to take the Law of Attraction seriously and see what happens. Hmm.
A Year In Our Lives 