So I have hon…

 

So I have honestly listened to usher’s song climax like 20 times thus far. Something about it makes me happy yet incredibly depressed at the same time. Maybe it’s the fact that I feel like this is where I will end up in a few but I admire his will to fight even though he feels he’s losing. Honestly beautiful song. All day I have had this happy but sad feeling…it is the strangest thing. I am excited that I feel like there is really an end to this tunnel yet going though it is depressing. I will be revisiting Florida in three weeks and I am anxious because this has been the longest month and a half of my life. I am trying my hardest not to fall for someone a million miles away but after almost 2 months of just verbal communication and getting to know someone without and physical contact that becomes harder as we progress. I amofficially convinced that the only thing that can make me run at ths point is if sex is horrible. I am a complete mess. Besides my weird “I really don’t want o like him” thing….things have been decent. I have not spoken to my child’s father in weeks and I hope this time he’s serious when he said he will never call me again. Although I know that s a lie…a simple prayer won’t hurt.School is going…still kind of annoying because I’m not in any real nursing classes yet but it’s better than being in Bloomingdales. Lord knows I can’t stand that place but it keeps my son in day care so I do appreciate it…..30th time listening to this song. My favorite line is by far  “you say it’s better if we love each other separetly. I just need one more time…I can’t get what we had off my mind” I’m about go….I have 1 more hour to myself to blast this song before any one else is around and I’m going to enjoy it. 

Saturday Nite

I’m sitting here in an old college t-shirt and no pants, eating ramen out the pot and drinking juice from a martini glass. Bachelorette lifestyle! I’m also currently waiting for Goalie to get back to me. If he doesn’t get back to me in the next 30 minutes I’m ordering some Chinese and giving myself a mani/pedi. I don’t even have the money to waste on this food and I’m not hungry, but it’s soooo nice and cool and end-of-summer-y feeling outside tonight and I feel like going for a drive. I also feel like snuggling up under the blankets with a cute boy but I will accept the Chinese food in his absence.

He better not wake my ass up at 2 a.m. talking bout “come over.”

Last night I was supposed to go out for drinks after work with some coworkers but decided against it when I realized I’d be sitting at a table with a guy I screwed, the attention-whore coworker I can’t stand, a Super Mario looking ass troll who all but wished death upon me for stealing his parking spot last month, my work bf and his jealous girlfriend, the runt who wants to eat my ass for breakfast and sexually harrasses me almost daily…it would have been really awkward, no? 8 hours everyday at work is more than enough, why prolonge the torture. In my quest to make new friends it would have been a step in the right direction, but last night I just could NOT.

Instead I was resigned to treating myself to some take out, beautifying, and relaxing drama-free. What ended up happening? C called me and we talked for hours. His blatant honesty is hilarious to me, but his openness allows me to be equally open. He apologized again and said what he had to say; I apologized and said what I had to say.

Gah–he’s cool people. We have the same views on life, and i love how genuinely happy and easygoing he is. I also love the fact that he fucking CALLS me on the phone, doesn’t it seem like everybody just texts nowadays? So sick of long ass text conversations with dudes. Why the hell are you having full-blown conversations via text messages? Call a bitch! Anyway, we talked about the going-ons in our lives, the future, reminisced about the past. I may be crass and crude but ole boy had me all kinds of blushing. Goodtimes! Even better is the fact that he’ll be around for a while, and then he’s most likely coming back. I’m not exaggerating when I tell you I was dancing all over my apartment, clicked my heels in the air, strutted for the gods, sidesteptwostepheeltoe combo’d…yes. I warned him I would probably get addicted.

He thought I was playing.